Weekly Weigh-In and TWO Non-Scale Victories

>I’m still hovering between 148 and 150, which is fine considering I’ve all but given up on WW recently. I still haven’t tracked in weeks, and aside from eating the broccoli that came with my General Tso’s Shrimp, my eating habits have been atrocious. I discovered Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake and nearly blew through the entire pint in one sitting. I’ve been to Famous Dave’s, the diner, Panera, and our favorite pizza place more times than I can count, and I’ve gotten completely black-out drunk the past two Friday nights. On the up side, I’ve been keeping up with walking about 3-4 times a week after work with my dad, and I even did 45 minutes on the elliptical last week.

I know I need to get back on track. I need motivation. I’ve decided that I am going to do two things:

1) When I reach 140 pounds, I am chopping all of my hair off and donating it. This is something I’ve wanted to do for years, and especially lately after watching the chemo steal all of my mom’s hair. I have more than enough to spare and then I also get a cute new haircut out of it.

2) I am going to run my very own 5k. A few months ago, my friend Michelle at Sun, Sand & Change ran her own private half marathon just to prove to herself that she could do it. This seemed like a GENIUS idea to me and I’ve wanted to do the same thing ever since, but considering I actually and not exaggeratingly cannot run even a tenth of a mile, I didn’t want to get in over my head. I can already walk a 5k with no problem, so my goal is to run on on June 20th.

Now then. On to the Non-Scale Victories…

NSV #1
I saw one of my girlfriends this past weekend for the first time in about 5 months. Her reaction upon seeing me was, “You look amazing. Like seriously amazing.” She has no idea I’ve been trying to lose weight.

NSV #2
Yesterday my husband looked at me in awe and told me how skinny I was getting.

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Thankful Thursday

>This week I am thankful for music. It’s one of those things that is so powerful and able to change my mood, no matter what. I wasn’t able to listen to any music at all for about a month after my mom passed. I was partly trying to avoid Christmas songs because they were just too much for me to handle at the time, but even regular music was too… wrong. It was either too happy or too sad or too nostalgic. I drove around in silence for weeks, just me and my thoughts and tears.

Now I’ve found an escape in music. Angry songs make me feel better when I’m having an especially difficult day (misery loves company?), and upbeat dance songs lift my mood if I’m kind of in between.

We listen to Pandora at work and the station is always changing depending on who sets it up. This afternoon must have been a 90s station because there were some really great songs on, one of which was Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground. Instantly, I was 17 again and riding shotgun in one of my best girlfriend’s car while we drove around aimlessly on a Friday night — nowhere to go and nothing to do but blast the music and look for cute boys. That was back when gas was only 99 cents per gallon and we could afford to drive all over the state for hours (and who am I kidding, we weren’t the ones paying for the gas anyway). How I wish I could go back in time and tell my 17 year old self to treasure those nights because life only got more complicated and difficult after that.

Right now I’m on the elliptical (you know you’re jealous of my multitasking skills) and it’s music that is getting me through this workout. Here’s a peek into what’s on my playlist:

Coming Home by P. Diddy (I’ve had such a crush on him since high school)
Why Wait by Rascal Flatts (yes, I like country music and no, I’m not ashamed)
Rolling in the Deep by Adele
I’m a Believer by The Monkees
Dreams by Fleetwood Mac
Baby by Justin Bieber (shut up. You know you like this song.)
I Like It by Enrique Iglesias
I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe (yes, I like Christian music, too)
Going Through Changes by Eminem

Week 12 Weigh-In

I haven’t tracked my food or really given a damn in over 2 weeks. I’ve been walking a few miles a week. I gained back the 5 pounds I lost while we were away.

That being said, I’m down a pound this week. Imagine what I could do if I really put my mind to it? I’m going at least start tracking my food and activity again tomorrow.

I took a mental health day from work today. I had a really rough day yesterday, both with Mother’s Day and some other stuff that’s been going on, and I just couldn’t handle the thought of going to work and dealing with other people. Instead, I watched TV, I vacuumed, I washed the living room windows (which, if I’m being honest, may have been the first time since we’ve lived here), and I took a nap. It was wonderful. The hubby left work at a decent hour, so we went to visit my dad and do a load of laundry. While we were waiting, we all took a 1.6 mile walk and then went to Trader Joe’s to stock up on some yummy food.

I think I would be a much better housewife than I am a salesperson. For the three months between my last job and my current one, I was cleaning and cooking homemade from-scratch dinners every night. I loved it. Now, how to convince my husband to let me quit my job to stay home?

Happy (?) Mother’s Day

>

This is my first Mother’s Day without my mom and it has been anything but happy. Facebook is full of cheerful messages, Father Gillen’s homily at Mass today was all about mothers (both living and deceased), and it’s very hard to be the odd one out — the only one amongst my friends without a mother to visit today. 
I looked at her picture for the first time in a long time today, and I told her how much I love and miss her. I took her for granted when she was alive and didn’t appreciate all that she did for me. Looking back, now I realize how much she sacrificed and did for me. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it wasn’t for her. Thank you, mommy. I love you always.
If roses grow in Heaven, Lord,
please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother’s arms
and tell her they’re from me.

Tell her, I love her and I miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.

Remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there’s an ache within my heart
that will never go away.

Bathroom Etiquette

>Can we please discuss public bathroom etiquette? I have four major pet peeves about public restrooms:

1) Please flush the toilet when you’re done.

I cannot tell you how many times I walk into the bathroom at work to find a bowl full of pee, poop, or vomit. I don’t understand this at all. I would be mortified to leave my business there for the next person to see. Do people forget? How could you forget to flush the toilet? Do they not want to touch the handle? Use some toilet paper! Use your foot! Just, please, flush.

2) Ladies. Sit down to pee. I beg you. You are not talented enough to hover and get everything in the bowl where it belongs. You end up getting pee all over the seat, the floor, and probably yourself. Weren’t you taught to put down toilet paper down on the seat? Most bathrooms also offer seat covers! There is no excuse for you not to sit down. I do not want to have to clean your pee off the seat before I can go.

3) If the toilet paper runs out, replace the roll.

I work in an office building and we share a bathroom with about 5 other offices on our floor. There are 2 stalls in the bathroom and there are always at least 3 fresh rolls of paper on the tank in each stall. The toilet paper roll is just like one at home — it’s not like those ones you need a key to open or anything. NO ONE ever changes the roll. Instead, they open a new one and just place it on top. Really? You can’t take the extra 15 seconds to put it on properly?

4) If someone is in the stall when you come into the bathroom, and they are being especially quiet, they’re probably going number two and need you to leave ASAP. Do not dawdle and redo your makeup and hair. Do not pull out your cell phone and make calls. Leave. As someone with unpredictable IBS who is prone to flareups at anytime, I cannot stress how important this one is.

Now, the thing is, every woman I’ve discussed this stuff with agrees wholeheartedly. So who’s actually doing all this stuff?? Someone out there is a big fat liar.

Thankful Thursday

>I know a lot of bloggers who do “Thankful Thursday” posts and I wanted to jump on the bandwagon. I think it’s good to reflect and count our blessings every once in awhile, especially lately when I’m feeling so bitter and angry about life.

So! I’m skipping all the obvious things like my husband, my family, my friends, my job, a roof over my head, etc. etc. Those are a given. Today, I am especially thankful for…

Oh, yes. Glee.
I only started watching it a couple of weeks ago when I found it on Netflix Instant. I gave it a try because I was bored and a couple of my friends have highly recommended it. I’m obsessed. My husband and I are going to the Glee concert next month and I kind of CAN’T WAIT. This is the first time I’ve really looked forward to something, truly been excited about something, since I lost my mom. 
I know it’s just a TV show, but I like the singing and the dancing and it’s a nice distraction. Sure, it deals with some serious issues from time to time, but most of the time? It’s just mindless fun and that is exactly what I need right now.

Back from OBX!

>It’s been a dream of my dad’s to be able to wake up in the morning, grab his coffee, and go for a walk on the beach. He had wanted to take my mom away sometime this summer, and decided to go anyway even though she’s not here anymore. He invited us to go with him, so we spent 5 days down in Kitty Hawk, NC just relaxing and doing a whole lot of nothing.

I didn’t count a single point while I was away, and I paid for it by gaining back the 5 pounds I lost. It’s OK, though. I wanted to relax and enjoy myself and eat what I wanted without feeling guilty about it. I had tacos and cheesecake and french toast and bacon and too many margaritas to count (or remember). The only exercise I got was walking to and from the grocery store to buy wine (side note: I love the south and their lax rules about where alcohol is sold). Wait, that’s not true. We also climbed the 250-something steps to the top of Cape Hatteras Lighthouse.